So, do you want to start a conspiracy theory?
Do you think your tutor hates you? Unhappy with the new president of the CBC? Worried there is a coordinated campaign to make sure you don’t pass your exam? Congratulations! You have the seedlings of a conspiracy theory in the palm of your hands, ready to be planted in the minds of your believers. Just follow these eight easy steps and watch the suffering of your enemies.
Step 1: stay vague
All you have to do is lead your flock to the watering hole; they will start to drink it on their own. After subscribing to the “Paul is dead” hypothesis, proponents uncovered “evidence” probably never intended by the original provider of the myth: does John say: “Paul is dead, man. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, “when you play” I’m So Fated “backwards? Is the” LMW 28IF “- the number plate of the Volkswagen Beetle on the cover of Abbey Route – means “Linda McCartney Weeps” and Paul would be 28 years old if was he still alive in 1969?
Our minds are made to recognize arbitrary patterns in seemingly random events, so start the premise but leave enough room for your amateur sleuths to decipher the clues unaided. Spelling it out isn’t a lot of fun for anyone.
Step 2: Build on other conspiracy theories
Nothing exists in a vacuum, and neither does your conspiracy theory. For all the fuss about QAnon’s uniqueness, it’s basically just warmed up Pizzagate, peppered with anti-Semitic slander and served with an unsavory side of satanic panic. You want to position yourself in the larger plot line for maximum exposure. Don’t be surprised if other tricksters overlap your brand to advance their own agenda. Adapting to localized delusions is how the initially US-centric QAnon has managed to thrive in places as disparate as Australia, Nigeria, and Japan. Hope you can catch some “Mossad deployed remotely operated sharks off Sinai to disrupt Egyptian tourismâFaithful along the way.
Step 3: Accept the contradictions
Try throwing a random bunch of your favorite alternative facts on the wall and see what sticks together. It may seem strange to synthesize âthe moon is a hologram“theory with”The nazis went to the moon“but try anyway. Conspiracy theories are often contradictory – for example, Princess Diana simultaneously faked her own death and was murdered according to some respondents in a 2012 study – because distrust of the âofficial narrativeâ is what matters most.
Decoupling your audience from the laws of reality can also help your increasingly outrageous ideas appear more acceptable. Like how some antivaxxers are terrified of the dangers of a TGA-approved vaccine, but willingly take a horse dewormer, ideally you want to make logical consistency unnecessary.
Step 4: Choose your platform
Where you choose to develop your conspiracy theory is as important as what you actually say. Post where your followers are likely to reside or somewhere that symbolically reinforces your post. The target of baby boomers “Australia is not realThe conspiracy theory, unsurprisingly, started on Facebook. In contrast, the belief that the Illuminati are infamous secret world rulers grew out of a series of fake letters to the editor published in the (usually hidden) pages of Playboy magazine. Consider using a blue ocean strategy and infiltrate a forum that hasn’t already been oversaturated with other like-minded schemers. Could you to launch the world’s first LinkedIn-centric conspiracy theory?
Step 5: Get everyone involved
Make sure to cast your net as wide as humanly possible. Everyone hates someone, so use them to your advantage. And, as Mel Gibson’s character finds out in Conspiracy theory, if you espouse thousands of unverified conspiracy theories, you’re bound to stumble upon something that looks like the truth. Attempt to overturn 2020 US presidential election results, Trump’s lawyer Sidney powell followed this line of attack, accusing China, Cuba, the CIA, the Clinton Foundation, Smartmatic, Dominion Voting Systems, the DNC, the Republican establishment, George Soros and even the corpse of former Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez of electoral fraud.
But why stop at the dead South American leaders? Go through the political spectrum. Blame the rich. Blame the poor. Blame the people who wear overalls. And don’t just blame people. Blame the aardvarks, echidnas and aliens too! (Just make sure you hire a good defamation lawyer: Aardvarks are notoriously contentious.)
Step 6: Get Celebrity Approval
Often one of the most overlooked ways to catapult your margin conspiracy theory to the mainstream, but there’s a reason it’s an advertising industry staple. After centuries of dormancy, Flat Earth experienced a rebirth when Kyrie Irving and Tila Tequila started bragging about his talking points and stepped into the weird news cycle when BoB launched a GoFundMe campaign launch a satellite into space which would finally prove that there is no curve.
Still struggling to find celebrity support? Simply use the name of a famous person to harness the awesome power of search engine optimization. Google “Iran” and “Michael Jackson” (the two biggest stories of June 2009) and you will soon discover that the slick criminals of the supposedly Islamic Republic murdered king of pop. If you are feeling generous, I would give some has-been some love. Maybe your favorite stranded Disney Channel star who “Knew Too Much” has been thrown into a wormhole by an undisclosed government agency.
Step 7: Monetize
You have created a conspiracy theory that has seeped into every crevice of society and culture. Now what? An ethical person may feel pressured to correct their mistake before someone is seriously hurt. But you are clearly not an ethical person.
A surefire way to fund your attack on trusted public institutions is through merch. Self-proclaimed health coach Pete Evans channeled his pseudo-scientific advocacy into a profitable business strategy by peddling cookbooks, dietary supplements, worth $ 14,990.Biocharger“(Marketed as a cure for COVID-19), a media network and spots in its future common. If your conspiracy theory is location-based, however, consult with a local government official to capitalize on potential tourism opportunities. To inspire you, see Roswell, New Mexico: a once sleepy city that has since become the Mecca of budding ufologists. Find your own niche and try to branch out into new and exciting areas like soaps, key chains, or even better, paid erotic fanfics.
Step 8: Deny the Guilt
Now that you are rich and famous, the haters will invariably seek to bring you down, so be prepared to deny the guilt as vehemently as you have denied the reputations of doctors, governments and doctors. Coca-Cola Company. You can always go down the Alex Jones route and have your lawyer pretend you’re a “performance artistâ. Alternatively, you can follow in the footsteps of Ron Watkins of 8chan (allegedly the man behind Q) and hitch your wagon to another conspiracy theory now that you are done milking this one for all its value.
Don’t tell anyone you got your ideas about me.